Más Allá

This post has been plagued by technical difficulties, so by now it might be old news that last Wednesday evening a man threatened to jump from the Crown Hotel on Valencia Street in S.F. In response, the police halted all foot and vehicular traffic along block between 16th & 17th Street on Valencia, thereby causing people to pool at the street corners to see if there was anything to see.

I was one of the passersby who stared up at the haunting skyline as the man sat at the edge, hunched over, legs dangling, with the October breeze as the only buffer between himself and the sidewalk that lay five stories below. Meanwhile, people stared. And took pictures. And called their friends. And said horrible things. As someone who has stood on that edge before, I was overcome with immense sadness and was reminded of a time when I was comforted by this song:


"Más Allá", La Ley

"Tengo ganas de brillar / I want to shine

y mi luz esta apagada / but my light has gone out

no tenía a nadie a quien culpar / I didn’t haven anyone to blame

y nadie culpabilizaba / and nobody blamed me

Hay algo más o algo menos / There is something more or something less

me da igual si mas o menos / I don’t care whether it’s more or less

dejé morir, dejé vivir / I’ve stopped living, I’ve stopped dying

Estoy hundiéndome en la oscuridad del mar / I am drowning in the darkness of the sea

aquí no hay aire pero al fin podré llegar / There’s no air here but I will finally arrive

Más allá …/ Beyond…"

"Más Allá" was written after La Ley's lead singer Beto Cuevas was informed of a young fan who took her life supposedly because she was obsessed with Cuevas and could not get close to him. I say “supposedly” because the purported reason a person chooses to end her life is never the real reason. The decision to commit suicide cannot be explained by the severity of a person’s particular set of challenges, but rather how that person’s brain reacts to the stresses in her life. This is why some people see their entire families get murdered during war and some of these people choose to keep on living. And why a person living a comparatively privileged life might go through a bad break-up and choose to kill herself then. I have done a lot of reading on this subject, have tried vairous types of therapies, have spoken intimately about this subject to many depressed and non-depressed people, and as far as I can tell, the bottom line is this: some of us are blessed with brains that have stable chemical balances. Others of us are not so lucky.

P.S. For insight on this topic, I recommend “The Mood Cure” by Julia Ross. Whether you are struggling with your own depression or have been impacted by the inexplicable behavior of someone you love, Julia Ross' easy to understand explanations of brain chemistry and its effects on mood shifts is enlightening.